Friday, August 20, 2010

fun loving criminals


so it has been a bit since the last post. my laptop crashed and there was some drama getting it up and running again. 4 weeks of frustration and jones-ing later, i am returning and happy to report that life continues. i find the joy of living expanding these days as i have begun to revisit some of my spiritual practices and beliefs. the spiritual side to my life is the part that enlarges my life. and as i review this last year, i think that envisioning a larger life is what is perhaps the most needed.

i have felt my heart opening with my work. the opportunity to discover compassion is feeding my soul and stretching my understanding. accompanying my growth is some fear, some challenge, and some wonder.... and some big inner smiles.

i have been working the catering jobs quite frequently for my schedule. it has been fun and it has reconfirmed that i thrive around diversity in my days. and i profit financially, too.

with regard to my previous post, i have been feeling a bit of remorse as it seems a bitchy entry. i suppose it was. i have been close to someone who began to withdraw months ago and i have been in my own denial about both this and my connection to it. naturally, i have wanted to make my friends drama and pain about me. this is a mistake. i am affected, but really it is about him. it is sad, it is painful no doubt, and it will require work to return to the sunlight of spirit. with regard to my self-centered moments, i am with regret. but i understand, at the same time.

a person i know passed over and it was a complete surprise. there was opiate abuse involved and there were both depression and lies. sadly, the partner has been feeling the effects more directly. the non-disclosure of an HIV status causes the situation to be more confusing and painful for the person left behind. sometimes life just ain't pretty.

all for now, but i'll update soon. i have missed writing.