Wednesday, September 29, 2010

disturbing behavior


i got a call yesterday from a guy whom i used to work with. i had helped get a program called "mile high meth project" going- had done a lot of research, checked out programs in other cities, campaigned for funding with the ryan white fund aficionados and had delivered an evidence based curriculum for gay men and a funded 3 year grant. it had been work, but mostly fun because that's how i roll. anyway this guy came into the picture after being released from employment at a boulder case management agency and came on board with our programs. he he infused himself with stealth into our team and began to smoothly accept credit for work he hadn't done. it irritated me a bit and i still haven't  forgotten- but that's later on. soon after he arrived,  i was released from service from that agency after some protracted intrigue and planned deception. you can read about a bit here at my former blog..

so when he called today, i felt a rush go through my system. it was one of those moments i had quietly been coveting for a few years- a possible opportunity to right some old wrongs and get some vengeance. i returned the call and spoke with the now mad hatter. he has recently been released from service from this same agency and has concocted a scheme to bring a suit against the organization, perhaps to right his own wrong- or perhaps to fix a plate of steaming hot revenge. he relayed his 4 pointed plan and i realized that here within my reach was something i had fantasized about these years and it was completely vulgar and distasteful. i quickly wondered how i got to this point, but immediately knew that i had created this window. now all i have to do is find a way to board it up.

thank god for my inability to take action sometimes. it saves me from myself... i don't always really want what i dream about. not at all. not even a little. .