Thursday, March 3, 2011

wheel of fortune



well it has certainly been a full week of bruhaha. the wisconsin governor and his blatant attempt to raid the ark, the call to impeach obama over the defense of marriage act, and the images of a very sallow charlie sheen spouting insanity from his hollow-rehab pulpit. sometimes the absurdity of life in sobriety seems more muddled than those drug-infused days gone by. but then there is the blessing of a sober perspective.

after mr. sheen's interviews, it has become increasingly clearer that he is not simply full of himself and lying through his teeth. in my estimation, this is a thin veneer masking a much more serious illness. his ego is so entwined with some chemical changes that have happened in his brain, that he is driven by some f**ked up impulses and not operating on any logic at all. watching his carcinogenic diatribe was surely like witnessing an execution of a relative through the silence of bullet-proof glass.

what gets lost with all the pundits spouting there sharp criticisms, is that what i really witnessed was the howling of a wild animal in pain. this man has an illness. yes, it sparks really shitty and very toxic behaviors both for himself and those around him, but i glimpsed a suffering soul underneath those behaviors. there is deep pain there and it should have the right to heal. this is the harsh reality of the science of addiction and recovery and it takes a hold on him.  i will reserve this idea in my head and my heart for him. his world may have to fall apart even more, before he lets go of his delusions. hopefully this process won't strip his family of their dignity as well as often can happen. but the wheel of fortune is already in motion. we'll simply have to wait to see where it lands.