Thursday, May 19, 2011

the bride stripped bare


The Fate Machine (a.k.a. The Bride Stripped Bare by her bachelors)  is an imaginary mechanical contraption which represents the interaction of chance and destiny. The suite of objects that make up the Fate Machine is shown here. The names for its parts come from Duchamp’s notes for The Large Glass, published in 1934.
Duchamp’s notes for The Large Glass are essential to understanding its content. He said the notes were meant to complement the visual experience, like a guide book, but clarity is not their strength. They are the stuff of sublime nonsense, driven by free association and wordplay, and resolutely anti-rational. Yet they do provide some unambiguous cues for the actions depicted on the glass.

i often wonder just what my direction in life really is. i know that i see myself as being of service to others and i try to believe in the individuals i am working with. i also know that there are times in my days that i still struggle to work through old baggage. i guess it would make sense that working the steps should have been like bringing in a dumpster and moving all the old unnecessary shit in my world to some imaginary landfill. but that is not my experience.

i started using at a very young age and i guess that the pack rat handling of emotional ca ca created an overflow of issues layer upon layer that need to be sorted through. that is what i have been doing for the last few years and it has been sometimes very exhausting.

i keep moving forward, though, because it' is the only direction that makes sense. there is always a sense of wonder and sometimes a sense of dread. upon inspection that dread is revealed to be about the old baggage and not necessarily about what is happening in my life in the present. shame-based trauma has left its mark upon my psyche and my being, perhaps a carry over from my past or my past life.

either way, i have come to believe that destiny plays a big role in my journey. and i think more that the choreography of chance is always at work in my life, too. the finesse just may be how i embody this instruction and whether i practice the moves. for now it is perhaps just rehearsal. or perhaps not at all.


I don't know why you treat me so bad
Think of all the things we could have had
Love is an ocean that I can't forget
My sweet sixteen I would never regret