Saturday, October 27, 2012

space is only noise



Be a lamp unto yourself. Work out your liberation with diligence.
...from Daily Buddha Wisdom

inspiration comes from many places, often times very unexpectedly. i came across a dj from chile called nico and found his brand of beats almost invitational. just what the invitation is for, i have not quite determined. but that is some of the work in life- moving forward without knowing.

i am in the midst of transitions in so many parts of my life. i am shifting to a new team at my workplace which will certainly herald some evident change. i have helped  friends implement a new meth treatment program at their small agency in englewood (denver suburb well known for aod problems). it is an eop (extended outpatient program) which is 3 days/ 8 hours of contact per week. we also helped start a 12 step program at that location on the 3rd night of the itinerary. i have started back at my favorite gym, although i have injured my knee during cardio and am taking a break right now. and i have let go of a volunteer position which i had been initially very enthused about. this took a lot more time and energy than first anticipated and i walked away feeling frustrated, wrung out, and sadly with tethered relationships. finally, i have lost my sponsor and i have been remiss (avoiding) moving forward quickly on this- just not my way.

what i have noticed taking place along with these shifts is an interesting and almost foreign development. i have felt a sense of calm and peace gently waft around me.  i have wanted to take part in  social activity, have dinner with friends, be close to others, mellow out at home listening to tunes. these are not my habits for the last several year. i have been on the go and driven to stay focused and inspired. it could be compared to changing gears on a manual transmission, i have changed gears.

i have re-engaged a relationship with my cousin recently as well. over the last 3 years we have spoken maybe once or twice a year. there was a drift and i had felt betrayal. i am sure that some of the effect was prior emotional baggage as has been a common experience for me in recovery. it feels good to reconnect.

i am working at the local professional gay men's professional organization halloween party tonight. i
am looking forward to a few laughs. i have done this a couple of times over the years. laughter and tears are both good lubrication for transitions.

Space is only noise if you can see
See I want to write a story about two long lines
Two pretty lines that fall in love
Two little spaces they're filled with echoes
Did the lines ever intersect one another, at a moment in time?
moment time"..

have you always cross like this
have you always cross like this
have you been this way all the time
have you been this way all the time or were you always trying to get you with me?
with me? with me? with me?
you used to check the weather
now you stopped that
you used to look at time
now you stopped that
you used to wear red
now you wear white
what happens all the time it happens all the time
replace the word space with a drink and forget it
space is only noise if you can see.
grab a calculator and fix yourself
grab a calculator and fix yourself
read the news baby read the news
watch your clock baby watch your clock
watch the weather baby on tv
its all to get if you can see
grab a calculator and fix yourself
space is only noise if you can see
See I want to write a story about two long lines
Two pretty lines that fall in love
Two little spaces they're filled with echoes
Did the lines ever intersect one another, at a moment in time?
moment time"...nicolas jaar