i had breakfast with my friend alex today at hi-rise.. it's a new sorta deli located in lodo. i love the place actually. it's down the block from SNOOZE which always has a long wait, and i just think hi rise is much more fun and easier to manage... and i like doing things a little differently. always have...
we talked quite a while about how life is progressing. he has been sober about a year longer than me, yet sometimes i think he is miles ahead of me. he is struggling with many of the same issues i find myself in a quandary over. living life on life's terms is how it could easily be said. but the living is not quite so easy sometimes. we both agreed that things are much better now than they were when we were fucked up all the time, but that doesn't stop us from wanting everything to be just the way we want it now.
damn there is so much wisdom in the understanding and application of this. i know the things i am worried about are friggin fantasies, yet my crazy brain keeps drifting to the what-ifs and stepping onto the platform of crazy. and i do it repeatedly and as second-nature. then i also wonder if i have spent so many years living in drama, both external AND internal, that maybe i just go to crazy places in my head because i am wired to do just that. just like a betsy-wetsy doll.
anyway, the validation i got from my pal today is enough to get me through a few more days. i am doing better, no matter how uncomfortable it feels sometimes. and if i am crazy, at least i am TRYING to get better, which seems a nice departure from all the crazy people i encounter who AREN'T trying to change anything.
this is my favorite single from the last Paolo Nutini CD. I love the lyric-" it was in love i was created and in love is how i hope i die".... i wholeheartedly second that....
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