Friday, October 8, 2010

the ghost in me


humpty dumpty sat on a wall
humpty dumpty had a great fall
all the kings horses
all the kings men
couldn't put humpty dumpty
back together again

he had to do it his own damn self....

i used to recite this poem (with the final self-infused line) over and over to myself. i think when i was channelling it originally, i was resentful because no one was going to whisk me away and solve my problems for me. i was already overwhelmed and my brain was crispy, and i didn't believe i had the where-with-all to do anything right.

as it turned out, i did have to do all the work to get my ass outa the hole i was in. i certainly had been commandeering the vehicle that got me there and i had to find my own way back. and on the way back, i have become a counselor- an educator of sorts. this newer direction started out being more about me than the beautiful souls i worked with. but as time milled the grist, there has been a definite shift. i have become much much more invisible as i work, and the focus is definitely the client. this has been a welcome transition and hopefully a healthy one. i love my guys. but moreover, i love carving out some silhouette of hope. that is where change germinates. and what helps us get through another absolutely impossible day.

my work these days involves supporting people in finding their way with regard to putting themselves back together again. sounds easy, doesn't it?  well... it ain't.. but it engages a part of me that seems primal. primal and paternal and peppered with pathos.

i have been listening to bt's "these hopeful machines" again recently. and again, i find myself enamored with the cover of "the ghost in you".. no doubt you will, too...