Thursday, October 7, 2010

true

So true funny how it seems
Always in time, but never in line for dreams
Head over heels when toe to toe
This is the sound of my soul,
This is the sound
I bought a ticket to the world,
But now I've come back again
Why do I find it hard to write the next line
Oh I want the truth to be said


as i happily trudge through my daily routine, i encounter an incredible amount of shortcomings and deficits i had never known about. maybe i did, but never gave them the time of day. i know that i often find myself cutting a path between fear and acceptance with situations in my life. i fear failing or judgement, so i react and judge in defense.  i then will catch myself and try to let go of my auto-reactions and move towards trusting the outcome and trusting my abilities.

its always an exercise in mindfulness, because i have trained myself for 40 odd years to react instantly with fear. i go there first and then have to climb down from a usually precarious postion like a kitten just exercising its freedom.

this tedious and relentless process has become more bearable. i can't say i have it licked, but i am able to recognize who i am and what i am doing with more diligence and pace as my life evolves. i am learning to accept who i am, warts and pimples and all- and be okay with it.

for this i am sincerely grateful.