oracle

oracle...an authoritative or wise statement or prediction.

i am on the precipice of what is to come. i know that i am in the process of change in my life somehow. i have been holding on to some things too long and cannot find a graceful way to let go. there is fear that i won't matter, i suppose, if i am not involved, while being "involved" involves mostly prickly pain.

i am so blessed in my being. i have been able to tackle so many things in this life-both the deeply dark and the delightful. i have landed on my feet so many times when leaping was all i could do. i would like to think that people depend on me, but i don't believe this to actually be true. i think more that people expect more from me than i am willing to give most of the time and the result is internal conflict.

what is my nature? is it to stir things up and get out when things get tough? is it to push forward because i can, and run at the first sign of challenge? are compromise and collaboration things that will always elude me?
these questions among others have not been answered completely. but the portions that have been revealed leave me in a not-so-good-looking light. it's hard to take.

but it's necessary. i need to look. even when i don't care for what i see. and i need to learn to do something else besides running over my soul with a grinder. criticizing is so much a habit that i hardly feel it when it's happening. i go numb automatically. and then i have to thaw.

so if there is something i conjure for myself these coming days, it would be courage to look inside more. to look harder, to look mare deeply, and to look with more empathy.

and while i engage in this, i wish for you to find the very best in you. or at least to start that process. or continue it.