Monday, November 19, 2012

consideration

lincoln- image credit-vanity fair

in my activity filled weekend, i made plans to go with my mother to see "lincoln" at the theater we both like. it's suburban with large seating, ample parking, and located just off the freeway so we can meet in the middle with ease. the film is big, full of wonder, and made me really think much more deeply about that specific time frame and the sheer mass and volume involved in passing both the emancipation proclamation and the 13th amendment. i am well aware of the vitriolic nature of our last election in this country. it has become almost accepted that each side of our current issues attack the other in a personal way- as if we don't have the right to disagree on points. 

having not really ever been a historian, i guess i never contemplated what a massive undertaking and construction the war between the states was, nor did i ever once consider how it must have been to try to address and mend what was broken at that time. i will let this film simmer for awhile and may even see it again to review what i have taken in. it overwhelmed me!

mom on left- image credit linda carpenter

sadly for my mom though, i was pooped. i had worked a party the evening before and really hadn't eaten, so the only thing i wanted to do was sleep when i got out of the theater. i barely had the where-with-all to say goodbye. i wanted to head home and shut my head down for a bit. i am afraid i hurt her feelings in all this. she is headed to arizona for thanksgiving to be with her siblings and i won't see her. i regret this possibility. i guess the reason i write this is to purge a bit as her phone is turned off and i may not get the opportunity to do this.

it is a requirement that i look at how i behave. this would certainly fall into the category of character defects. i  cram too much into my calendar and then i am not available to those who need my attention because i am managing my time. when i think about a solution for this, i understand well it is about slowing down. my own nature creates this need to work 3 jobs. i like to spend money and i like to have money in order to do this. in each of these jobs, i find satisfaction. however as i "zoom out" a little, i see that the sum of them might create a shadow that actual light has difficulties getting in and around. 

i have some things to consider here. i hope i will. i also have the busiest month of the year for catering coinciding with all this. maybe things will change. maybe i'll find a softer way to live my life. maybe i will assess my priorities and do some re-arranging. maybe. it's definitely worth considering.