still life

image: richard hawkins dragonfly
“There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.”

i just arrived back home yesterday. it has been a whirlwind visit full of emotion and repositioning of conclusion and assumption. it seems odd that so much of my grownup ideas about friendships and fun are based on the first 12 years of such i got while i lived in chicago. somehow, after moving there, i was able to pull myself up out of a dark pit of confusion and conflict to find some grounding and build a life. but as life happens, everything fell apart and i walked right into a sinkhole.

revisiting people that shared that world has been heartening at the least. i have seen how my contemporaries have been able to buoy themselves and find balance in their own lives. and i may have opinions about their some of their means and their results, but that is only opinion. it doesn't change the fact that indeed they have found a level.

perhaps the greatest thing this mirroring did for me was to give me a reason to exhale. and somehow, i feel i can put some baggage i have been lugging around away for awhile. maybe forever. i think i always felt like i needed to measure up and do much better, maybe even make someone proud. or be proud myself.

so  now i am reminded that the dreams i have been holding have actually passed on and new dreams have replaced them. i am still the same person, just homogenized. or maybe distilled. or simply reduced.  letting go, reconstructing and re framing my perception, and making room for new things is the order of the day.

vacation- check
conference- check
next stop- holidays

the image above is named "dragonfly" by richard hawkins and is part of the third mind tour currently at the art institute chicago. this was a show i completely loved.

and more anberlin. here's an acoustic version of breaking..