ingenues..........

i have been watching xfactor uk this year and have become smitten with these contestants. in week 6 during the live shows they continue to impress me with their spirit, their song choices, and their delivery. i repeat that reality tv such as this actually engages me as i am privvy to watch young people reach for their dreams. i am not sure if it gets better than that.. happy weekend.

martyr-ing is hard work

image credit.... ddmag

i actually have a full time job and 2 part time positions- i teach dui (driving under the influence) for people who get tickets driving while drinking. i also work with private chefs at small parties for families of means around town. i have been doing the latter for about 5 years and it has been pretty smooth. the money is quite good, and i am inserted into environments to which i would normally not have access.

last night was certainly one of those times. i set up dinner at a small informal card party for 8 in one of the upscale  neighborhoods. it was all very cordial and proper, until about an hour in when the social lubrication started to kick in. the subject of the recent election became the topic and the language became foul-acidic, visceral and foul. i was flooded with mixed emotions - my belief that people are entitled to their emotions- then the judgemental side which was directly reacting to the vitriolic aspect of the words. i felt as if i were in the la brea tarpits for a while. i kept making my way to the garage to cut the sound.

my personal feelings aside, i am reminded of just how powerful our emotions are. polished and professional people, kind and thoughtful people. gentle and generous people all have the capability and inclination to switch to predatorial behaviors when feeling threatened. it's a concept as old as time, but remains a mystery to me. but i'll keep studying.

which reminds me, i am sort of hosting our office holiday party this year. i decided that we will celebrate 50 years of the rolling stones. and writing this post made me think "you can't always get what you want"....

but more importantly - more nico..

raise your glass

image credit...ddmag.tumblr.com

There is not a liberal America and a conservative America - there is the United States of America. There is not a black America and a white America and latino America and asian America - there's the United States of America.

Barack Obama

image credit....pete souza

Excerpts from President-elect Barack Obama's acceptance speech:

Tonight, more than 200 years after a former colony won the right to determine its own destiny, the task of perfecting our union moves forward.

It moves forward because of you. It moves forward because you reaffirmed the spirit that has triumphed over war and depression, the spirit that has lifted this country from the depths of despair to the great heights of hope, the belief that while each of us will pursue our own individual dreams, we are one American family, and we will rise and fall as one nation.

Tonight, in this election, you, the American people, reminded us that while our road has been hard, while our journey has been long, we have picked ourselves up, we have fought our way back and we know in our hearts that for the United States of America, the best is yet to come.

I want to thank every American who participated in this election. whether you voted fo the very first time, or waited in line for a very long time - by the way, we have to fix that - whether you pounded the pavement or picked up the phone, whether you held an Obama sign or a Romney sign. You made your voice heard, and you made a difference.

To Michelle: Let me say this publicly. I have never loved you more. I have never been prouder of watching the rest of America fall in love with you too as our nation's First Lady.

To Sasha and Malia: I'm really proud of you guys. But I will say for now, one dog's probably enough.

To my campaign staff, thank you for believing all the way, through every hill, through every valley. You lifted me up the whole way, and I will always be grateful for everything you've done and all the incredible work you've put in.

Democracy in a nation of 300 million can be noisy, and messy, and complicated. We have our own opinions. Each of us have deeply-held beliefs. and when we go through tough times, when we make big decisions as a country, it necessarily stirs up passions, stirs up controversy. That won't change after tonight, and it shouldn't. These arguments that we have are marks of our liberty.

We believe in a generous America, in a compassionate America, in a tolerant America, open to the dreams of an immigrant daughter who studies in our school and pledges to our flag.

Whether I earned your vote or not, I have listened to you. I have learned from you. And you've made me a better president. With your stories and your struggles, I return to the White House more determined and more inspired than ever about the work there is to do.

Tonight, you voted for action, not politics as usual. You elected us to focus on your jobs, not ours. And in the coming weerks and months I am looking forward to reaching out and working with leaders of both parties to meet challenges we can only solve together.

Tonight, despite all the hardship we've been through, despite all the frustrations of Washington, I've never been more hopeful about our future. I've never been more hopeful about America. And I ask you to sustain that hope. ... 

I believe we can seize this future, because we are not as divided as our politics suggests, We are not as cynical as the pundits believe, We are greater than the sum of our ambitions. We are more than a collection of red and blue states. We are the United States of America. And with your help, and God's grace, we will continue our journey forward, and remind the world why we live in the greatest nation on earth.

God Bless America. God Bless these United States.

Right, right, turn off the lights

We're gonna lose our minds tonight

What's the deal, yo?

I love when it's all too much

5 a.m. turn the radio up

Where's the rock 'n roll?

Party crasher, penny snatcher

Call me up if you're a gangsta

Don't be fancy, just get dancy

Why so serious?

So raise your glass if you are wrong

In all the right ways, all my underdogs

We will never be, never be anything but loud

And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks

Won't you come on and come on and

Raise your glass!

Just come on and come on and

Raise your glass!

Slam, slam, oh hot damn

What part of a party don't you understand?

Wish you'd just freak out

(Freak out already)

Can't stop, coming in hot

I should be locked up right on the spot

It's so on right now

(It's so fucking on right now)

Party crasher, penny snatcher

Call me up if you're a gangsta

Don't be fancy, just get dancy

Why so serious?...Pink

this post was inspired by my friend julien arbor. she posted the "pink" version of this song on the "punks for obama" page on fb. i honestly felt like celebrating and when i heard that song i knew it held some of the joie du vivre that i was feeling.

there are so many really disturbing things i noticed about the party system this time- mostly the divisive nature of the campaigns. the obama legacy will no doubt include the amazing strides his camp has made to bring the different sub-populations together. as a nation, i am not sure we can afford just what the divisive nature will cost us.

tiny wisdom... moving forward

“A man’s errors are his portals of discovery.” -James Joyce

it has been another weekend of newness. i did not have any parties to work. i went to a 12 step conference/speaker meeting on friday evening. i injured my knee during cardio class about 4 weeks ago and let it continue to heal in lieu of heading to work on on saturday am. i bought some snacks and took them to the hospitality suite at the conference on saturday afternoon with every intention of staying for the dinner. 

however, there were was a sense of unease with me and i gave a friend a ride to a meeting she was speaking at that evening and opted to simply go home and chill. i had really been feeling exhausted all week long. 

sunday morning, a friend and i went to hear another friend sing with the choir at a local church. there was a baptism of a 12 year old boy which accented the experience. the church is 6 blocks away, quite small and quaint, and left a smile on my heart. i dropped my friend at her home with a plan of going to the closing speaker meeting of the conference. i got a call from my friend alex saying that he and his partner were in town from philadelphia. he was calling to ask if i could meet in 15 minutes for brunch. 

we were to meet at olivea  where they had a reservation. upon arrival it seemed we would have to wait at least 20 minutes, so we skated across the street to the avenue grill. we had eggs benedict, huevos rancheros, and a red and white burrito. a distinct and seductive waft of cumin repeatedly danced its way to my senses and left a smile in my mind. this brunch and get-together was a remarkable intervention with my standard weekend. 

as i consider the shift that is taking place in my life now, i seem to have shaken loose some very familiar unease. the availability and synchronicity of social activity is consistent and solid. i find myself in a rather new environment of enjoyment. it is certainly not familiar yet at the same time, i am loving it. whether it is anything more than just another stretch of life's highway remains to be revealed. i will, however relish the pleasantness and be grateful. 

i write more about the present, as i have spent the last few posts surveying the errors. i continue to struggle with conflict and it continues to trouble my landscape. i excessively filled my time when an emotional challenge reared its head, and i made agreements i was not able to fulfill.  my intention is to leave room for these lessons and other troubles to materialize. it would be a preference to let go of my fear of others so that it can travel on to the next soul that needs its wisdom.

i want to give a nod to tiny buddha blog for the inspiration for today's post. i am finding that moving forward brings with it a myriad of thoughts, feelings, and emotions. as much as i want to balk, i secretly long for new adventure. 

in keeping with the moving forward theme, i am continuing to explore my new romance with the new breed of electronica. these sounds and beats are magic provided by michael mayer of kompakt records at the boiler room berlin. 

01. Andrea Esu - E.S.U. Track

02. Kenny "Jammin" Jason with "Fast" Eddie Smith - Can U Dance

03. Ron Trent - Kids At Play

04. Barnt - Hark

05. Paris - A Shifting Drifting World (It's A Fine Line Remix)

06. Coma - Gravity

07. Terranova feat. Tomas Høffding - Question Mark (KiNK Mix feat. Rachel Row)

08. Laurent Garnier - Communication From The Lab (Germ Mix)

09. Hot Chip - Boy From School (Erol Alkan’s Extended Re-Work)

10. Kölsch - Der Alte

fountain of youth

There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age. 

Sophia Loren

it would seem that i have stumbled upon a new phase in my life. the online distractions have taken a new turn and i have posted some new dj's, some new blogs, and it seems a shifted perspective on life. i have developed  (or am developing) a new appreciation for the younger generations. i have incorporated techniques which both deepen my spiritual life and allow me to be less affected by my past and more "here" in my todays.

i have recently lost a very beautiful friend and i am working to remain thawed by the chill that was caused. the changes that followed paul's departure have been swift and succinct. i trust i will find myself poised to remain open emotionally to life in the coming year.

another dear friend married on thursday and i understand there is unknown change involved around this for me. she looked radiant at the ceremony and the evening reminded me that happiness is real. it's a little queer(pun intended) to harbor such a thought.

the blogs i speak of are not telegraphing words. they are images that create thoughts, questions, and ideas in my mind. perhaps it's my adhd, but these images i have waded into may have created a fountain of youth effect. it is welcome in my life right now. i invite renewed naivete and i am warmed by the possibility of new experiences.

here are those blogs-
 http://ddmag.tumblr.com/

http://criminallyinnocent.tumblr.com/

then there is the wave of music that has dusted the corners of my brain. mostly dj's who are delivering a new sensibility- avant house-y if i may- to electronic music. the tempo is not the pace i am used to, it is more relaxed and set on "coast" like my auto.  i plan to continue to explore this realm, and the others i have recently encountered.  i hope to keep sharing. my relationship with blogging, with working with others, with recovery, and with living my life have altered.