asking

HELP ME IF YOU CAN, I'M FEELING DOWN

AND I DO APPRECIATE YOU BEING AROUND.

HELP ME GET MY FEET BACK ON THE GROUND,

WON'T YOU PLEASE, PLEASE HELP ME.

John Lennon

i cannot really tell you just why asking for help is such an enormously difficult thing to do sometimes, but it is.i
have just come out the other end of re validating this fact. more than anything else, i understand it mostly has to do with my ego and my aversion to appearing weak. of course, this makes little sense when at every turn i secretly remind myself of how i don't deserve this or that, and i love nothing more at times to underline and highlight all the mistakes i make. so why allowing this perception out into the world seems so hypocritical, yet on that insane landfill is where i repeatedly plant my flag.

i would like to say that i fear being told "no", which may have some whispers of truth, but mostly it's me, trying to be an island. but i managed to swallow my pride- with several big gulps, and asked someone for help. they told me they were unable to assist me in the way i wanted, but could manage it another way. i felt grateful, but not relieved. so i had to ask another sweet soul for help.  whew! this time it was a go. and i was thanked for asking.

I will always remember a quote from leslie j regarding help. he said he had written H-E-L-P on his bathroom mirror in soap and everyday as he readied himself for the world,  he would be reminded

HELP = His Ever Loving Presence. I must remember that I can always ask for H.E.L.P. because He is always here :